gaymis:

when ur sad think about the fact that david bowie literally typed the comment “you wanna play with daddy, asshole?!” to someone who insulted him on the internet

(Source: spiritbear, via hotsexycannibal)

richeynippleparty:

timelordvortex:

xxmisty:

In 2000 Israel had an entry in Eurovision that included the lyric ‘I want, I want a cucumber’ and ever since nothing’s quite lived up to it

But there have been some close calls.

Ukraine 2007 will always be my favourite

(via prologue-to-history)

watsonsstripeyjumper:

Has anyone read the guardians liveblog of eurovision?

i am crying this is brilliant

some of my favourites include:

8.42pm BST

Next, BELARUS: land of smiling freakishly at pigeons in deserted plazas.

8.49pm BST

This singer is ridiculously endearing. He’s so happy. He’s so happy that he looks like he might actually start crying. It’s like he’s cut his mouth open, and then eaten an entire packet of salt and vinegar crisps, but he can’t stop smiling because he doesn’t want to look rude in front of whoever bought him the crisps. That’s exactly what it’s like. Oh, it’s finished. Well done, vinegar-breath!  (About Malta)

8.53pm BST

“What if we all chose to bury our guns?” she sings. Well, I’d guess that if everyone buried all the guns, then it’d probably have quite a negative effect on vegetation and we’d all starve to death.

“What if we all opened our arms?” Then we’d all have someone’s hand right in our face. It’d be a right pain in the arse. 

“What if we all came together as one?” RUSSIA. That would be DISGUSTING. Stop it NOW.

9.06pm BST

Now for THE NETHERLANDS: land of punching some ghosts on a roof.

9.11pm BST

Did my drinking game include ‘A giant vampire stands on a tiny mountain range surrounded by hundreds of enormous blood-filled condoms’? If it did, we’ve just hit the jackpot.

9.12pm BST

You will have probably heard about this song, of course, because it is incredible. It’s like this guy has swallowed Susan Boyle and she’s trying to scream for help through his abdominal wall.

9.14pm BST

Now he’s growing. He’s ten feet tall. Twelve feet tall. A hundred feet tall. I’m pretty sure that he’s going to crawl out of the television and kill us. This is amazing. I just glanced at Tweetdeck and it’s basically melting. Romania has melted Tweetdeck. That was incredible. I’d hate to be the act that followed that.

9.37pm BST

Once upon a time, a kindly Azerbaijani woman gave birth to two beautiful children. However, over the years it transpired that one of these twins was born evil. Fearing for humanity, the woman locked the evil son away in a see-through cage like The Avengers did with Loki. He lay trapped there for years, only deriving scraps of pleasure by sarcastically mimicking the good son’s dance routines. Then they both died.

This is the story of those twins.

9.40pm BST

GREECE! What are you PLAYING AT? This song is BRILLIANT! There are men in skirts, and old men with tiny instruments, and they’re all shouting ‘ALCOHOL IS FREE! ALCOHOL IS FREE!’ over and over again. This is the best song of the night by a million billion miles. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HOST EUROVISION NEXT YEAR GREECE. This is a madness. A MADNESS. You should have just put an idiot in a box like the Azerbaijanis did. That was rubbish. They had the right idea, you lunatics.

9.41pm BST

ALCOHOL ALCOHOL ALCOHOL IS FREE! ALCOHOL ALCOHOL ALCOHOL IS FREE! ALCOHOL! ALCOHOL! ALCOHOL IS FREE!

10.53pm BST

The woman from Azerbaijan just said “Everything is OK”. And also “Azerbaijan would like to pass Eurovision euphoria to Sweden”. Which is all well and good, but I’ve needed the toilet for 45 minutes now and literally every unnecessary word from anyone onscreen makes me feel like I’m being kicked in the bladder by a horse.

10.54pm BST

The Armenian presenter is singing now. I think I’ve just ruptured something.

11.25pm BST

Hang on, does this mean alcohol is expensive again? (Denmark had won)

This guy is amazing

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2013/may/18/eurovision-2013-live-blog Full live blog is here

(via lord-kitschener)

bennetwilcox:

welcome to europe

(via prologue-to-history)

unwrittenmanuscripts:

tina turner knock off

katniss everdeen on fire

finnish lesbians

spanish bagpipes

shakira in a disco ball

definitely not hey soul sister

russia wanting world peace

denim jesus

gay dracula satan

hungarian hipsters

thor

gay bos shadow men turned threesome

alcohol is free wearing skirts

disneys lion king

half naked irish drummers

(via loveandpoison)

holepsi:

YOU

HAVE

NO

FUCKING

IDEA

HOW

MUCH

I

LOVE

EUROVISION

(via prologue-to-history)